Your's truly, Ep-2

Hi,

It's me again. You know me; We have someone / something in common - your parents? your cousins? your friends? I don't know. I know I own you, I feel superior, I feel itchy and the line that you think I jump is a little dot to me. Simply put, my life is a narrative of any of the negative characters from any daily serial . I am a well trained assassin of your Peace of mind. I specialize in Envy, majored in Gripe and hold a doctorate in Collation.

I'm never alone, because I recruit people constantly. My tongue was cursed / gifted, so I can blurt out any non-sense and I know you'll keep shut because of your societal limitations. You always wish you're not seen with your girl friend, not by your immediate family; but me. You secretly wished that my neighbor's maternal aunt's distant cousin's girl friend was dead because she was your yard stick. I butt into almost every decision you or your parents make:

• Which major to choose
• Which school to attend
• What clothes to wear
• How to walk
• What to eat
• If you should wear those jeans above the waistline
• Who to date, who to marry - Why and Why not
•  Your sexual orientation, yes I decide!

The best part of my life is you are bound to this, you can't escape.

You can't ignore me - I Bitch
You can't fight me - I manipulate
You can't accept me - You have self-esteem, I don't
You can't share with me - I Stereotype, Opinionate & Judge!
You can't conceal anything from me either - My C(Curiosity) chromosome is deep

I don't know squat about Indian history but I think your skirt is against the Indian culture. My son does not have a stable job but I'm keen to know how much you earn. I point out at your nuances in your lifestyle with my murky judgemental fingers. I never bothered to aid you when you were in serious distress but I own the right to be miffed for not being invited to your wedding.

I can't understand that if I don't have anything nice to say, I can shut up! I'm very sorry that I'm an intricate part of your life and you can't do much about it.

Your's truly,
Your Nosy Neighbor / Resentful Relative / Judgemental "Friend"

Read More

One for the game

There were days when I used to kick the ball back and forth against a white concrete wall just by myself, because everyone else was either busy attending classes or yapping with their girl friends in the cafeteria. There were also those days  where I encountered people who preferred watching and talking about the sport than actually play it and I was still there, kicking the ball against the concrete wall. It is one thing to be known for what you are and another thing to be known for what you do. I'm glad I've always been known for my love for Football.

I've been nick-named several things, called out different names while on the field but one particular incident today propels me to draft this post. During the weekly pickup game today, one player talks to another.

Player 1:  Hey, What is your name?
Other guy: Alan
Player 1: You play awesome, turns to me and asks "Did you know his name is Alan?"
Me: Off course, we play every week. (He's an awesome attacking mid-fielder)
Alan: Do you know what his name is? (Pointing out to me)
Player 1: No
Alan: I call him Dante, you know Brazilian defender Dante? He is tall, big, fit, fast and an excellent defender and I like him.
Me: ~Iqbal moment~

While on field, I hear different things.

Dude, you are longer than October
Please don't go forward, you're a beast in defense
Where in the hell did you come from? (Most common, when I steal the ball from the attacker)
Do you get tired at all?

But what happened yesterday put me on a cloud.

Football gave me the best friends I ever had, awesome roommates, an ever lasting tan and an irritating Keral. If it was not for the love of it, it'd have been laying aside like one of my many part-time hobbies (Photography, Djembe, Vedic astrology to name a few). As of today, I feel super lucky that I'm able to find time, health and fitness to get out and play and I wish this continues for the rest of my life. Cheers to the sport, all the wonderful memories I have of it so far, the friends I made on fields and the opponents who made me walk tall.

Hon'ble mentions:

• The Mrs.- For not being a constant attention seeker 
• The Father - For saying "I'm surprised you chose to play football and not cricket unlike most of the kids from your generation", when I came out of the closet and asked to be joined in the summer camp for Football ;) (Also, my love for the game is genetic. I once overheard my father telling my mom that he was a goalie when he was a kid)
• The Amigo - For calling me Dante!

Read More

Blog and Brood part-1

Something struck! I realized, there are numerous life changing incidents that I encounter every once in a while. However, I never seem to understand the lesson each of them tries to teach. Until one day, it occurred to me that I should 'Blog and then brood' so that others can associate to what I feel, thus facilitating chained pondering.

Read More

It's our 5th

The day when a 7 hour long phone call changed my life! This day comes and goes past every year but it fills me with fresh life every time. When I traverse through my timeline, I feel so happy that I don't have to search for the moments to cherish. They are right in front of me on a show-reel; All I need to do is sit back,watch the show and relive all those moments. We have evolved from long phone conversations to emails, to skype, to face time, to Gtalk, to a live-in relationship and to a marriage and the Love is still in the air :) 

Read More

Pride and Prejudice

The "About Me" question in the networking sites is like the "Tell me about yourself" question that I'm usually asked in the job interviews. While I'm being watched and judged in both the situations; I take pride in one and prejudiced about the other. Did you ever speculate within yourself about why you sport contrasting shams at every point in life? I always wondered!

Read More

The ever-enduring Anecdote

As he changes flights across different airports over the past couple of days, VK recalls the reminiscences of the his first journey overseas. August 3rd of 2006, in his life, will be a date that he'd never forget. VK, just like many others in his class, was not too sure of what he wanted to do after he graduated from college and decides to take the momentous choice of most of the Engineers manufactured in Hyderabad.

Just like several others, it was the first time VK was taking a flight to a different destination and just like a thousand others, he was the first in his family to visit the US of America. VK started getting stuff together as the date of his next big step in life neared, bids the final byes to the earnests and still does what he is best at; introspection! "Is this what I really want to do? How different would I be, after I go there? Am I ever coming back?" was the only track on VK's mind despite the fast nearing leap.

Considering the 64 limit on the luggage, VK tried to pack every useless thing that he thought was sensible which included Vim Supreme bar, Rin detergent and the gas stove lighter. Yet, the dude overloaded with some extra stuff and could sneak in through the luggage check in point with the help of influential contacts, which as you know, very well works in India! All the hugging and kissing ceremony was past the security gates and VK entered the terminal dragging the not-so-light cabin baggage, for the first time in his life.

He had to go through the security check point 3 times before VK was clear of everything, as he planned to stuff a few more things in his 8 pocketed cargo pants which could not fit into the over-weight bags. Not sure of what a boarding pass was and unmindful of the distinction between an itinerary and a receipt, VK saved every document that was given to him. While he gets the notification of the first flight getting delayed, VK had no clue of what his next step had to be. Concern-less, he laid there, lost in a world of aimless gaze.

Finally, the moment ticked, when he boarded the enormous, good for nothing and an antiquated flight run by Air India. A saree clad "aunty" rushes towards his seat and questions: "Whose bag is this?" In a spooky voice, VK replies "Mine". "Do you think this is an RTC bus", she asks - the bag was not fit in properly in the cabin; so he casually left it like that (This incident makes him laugh even today :) ). The next thing that VK remembers was looking at the window as he was about to experience his first leap into the sky and then he fell asleep. When he opened his eyes, VK was in London!

VK never knew when the food was served, nor he knew who was sitting beside him. Sloppily, he got up from his seat, walked towards the restroom and realizes that he opened a wrong door, turned the other side and realized that this one is equally small. Not too sure of how to operate the latch, not very keen on using the Western style commode; VK managed to finish the ritual and get back to his seat. Twiddling with the bulky bags, VK finally reached Norfolk airport. The much helpful ISA's volunteers figured out where he was, despite his lousy miscommunication and showed VK, a place to sleep.

The wonderful students already living there, complained about his unbearable odor and advised him to take a shower very politely. He used one of their phones and informed his family and friends that he reached safely and hit the bed. VK woke up after 14 hours and found everything as different as he could ever imagine. He couldn't eat anything at home as no one cooked during weekends and he was reluctant to buy food from outside as he was still in the phase of  Dollar to Rupee conversion. Three days later, he had the food that he was longing for and then the struggle for jobs on-campus start.

And then, life moved on .....

Ever since then, VK always tried his best to help every student that he could and fed every student that he hosted.

Read More

An Unforgettable Short Journey

6 weeks, for me, is a short time to get acquainted  with someone to actually miss the fun after I leave them. You guys were so awesome, each of you in your own individual way, that you took place in my Blog's Wall of Fame ;). Being in a non-vibrant, activity-less, selfish community for the past 3.5 years, I was very much in need of a positive environment and I could find that solace in you guys. All my initial apprehensions of being in a corporate world and that too among desis was shrugged off when we stared hanging out together.

I wouldn't have asked for better set of people! In you, I found a person who talks just like my brother, a person who looks, talks and dances just like my dad, a person who always reminds me of my girl friend, a "Man of Substance", a loudspeaker who is the heart of the gang, a person who can be as cool as a moose, a person who masters the art of living and the first of my friend's babies that I took in my arms.

If the front row had awesome listeners, the 2nd row had amazing note-takers and the 3rd row had non-stop munchers. Inspite of  a few setbacks, all of us were so tight that none of the 5 new people stood a chance to join us, despite Karen's multiple efforts :D. If someone had to master the art of collaboration during exams or plan events in a short time with the least resources, then they have to learn from us. It was my pleasure to have known each one of you and I'm glad that I've met you guys at a much needed point in my life. Thanks for making this period so memorable.

As the wise always quote, All Good things come to an end and so did ours! Here's to the awesome 6 weeks well spent and all the good times we had together.

Cheers!

--
Choteshwar ;)

Read More

With the Photographer

I don't know how many of you have heard of the short story "With the Photographer" by Stephen Leacock but I just stumbled upon the title while I have been sitting duck through the fritter of photographers floating around on the internet. One should understand the distinctive line between Photographer and lens-bearer. Just carrying a DSLR around doesn't make anyone an ace craftsman, I say that because I've been there and done that.

Thanks to the affordable prices of DSLRs, half of my friends on Facebook own them. Everyone of them has a showcase and samples would be added every now and then until you acknowledge their creativity. Even then, after you carefully choose one photo that really caught your eye and appreciate them for it; it only gets worse. They feel much proclaimed and start clicking everything that they see. In those artistic escapades to explore their creative side, they spook, alarm, rag and leave you with no choice but to watch these common ones:


Yes its me! The most common photograph that I come across. How natural is it for everyone to feel that they are the first ones to explore this angle of their creative side. I'd rather give my camera to someone else and get a good portrait of myself rather than hiding behind the lens.

If you wanted to show just the camera, why do you to bother to take your car out? Don't you have a bigger mirror in your bathroom?


Oh! Those beautiful flowers. Agreed, they are beautiful. There are atleast 3 trees in every street so I wouldn't care even if those beautiful flowers on those gorgeous trees have a  pleasant sky in the background.If you really like the world to look that beautiful, how about planting a tree?

There is a similar creed that exists that live on Macro photography. I know it takes a lot of patience and pain to get those but I really don't care because I can see it with my naked eye. I appreciate their effort but could anyone please acknowledge my artistically challenged brain?


Riser and Setter. I know Sunrise and Sunset are beautiful and I like them too but I feel they can be much appreciated when you see them naked, I meant with naked eyes? Probably, this is the most common photograph that everyone captures. Behind the trees, Amidst the clouds, Over the waters, Inside the valleys being the various 'jhalaks'.


The Hallow. Are you kidding me? A floor lamp, Lamp Post, Street light? Is that all theycan think of? Just like Dal Tadka, they add a Black & White or Sepia effect to it to make it look special but it is still the same lame lamp.

 If this picture resembles someone's mood, they should probably talk to someone to get over it; uploading pics like these would depress others including them.

Fall is here! This phenomenon is more prevalent among the ones living in the US as this is the first time they notice leaves off trees. I don't know what particularly irks their interest but they seem to be fascinated about this aspect.

 The depth, focus and other terms that they quote might sound amazing and wonderful but they should realize that I can find thousands of such images on Google.



Colorful India! Suddenly people find India and its streets very colorful. Never did they turn their heads to peep towards the slums or laborers. These people are busy earning their living and the lens-men are busy capturing their lives, that too in a colorful tone.

With the many photo editing softwares, they can now colorize an old man with his sutta or a rag picker busy with his activities. What is so fascinating about a stray dog or a parked bicycle at the doorstep for that matter? Sometimes they make me feel that I cannot appreciate anything.

The Weapon! Finally, they introduce all of us to the tool which they have been using to drive us crazy all these times. When I look at it, I wonder how beautiful life could have been if they didn't invent Digital cameras in the first place or if the DSLRs costed a fortune.

The craziness doesn't stop with photographs, does it? They have emerged into the era of short-film making now and I don't want to get started on how well they suck at that.

I've used DSLR for a little bit and realized that there are people who could do a much better job than me and some of them were my friends. But the rest of them, like me, still try to force creativity out of themselves even though it doesn't exist in them. People, Live and Let live!

Read More

Mera no. aa gaya

It is time for Lawrence to lose its biggest hater. If you don't know the news yet,  I'm moving out of Lawrence on October 2nd, seeking a better job in Pleasanton, CA. I'll be in Boston for 5-6 weeks and will be heading to CA after that. Yes, that means I'll be living with Madhuri. Infact, we are working for the same company now :). Thats a two way treat for me. I get to live with Madhuri and I finally get to escape from Lawrence. This might sound rude, but I'm happy that I'm moving out.

Be it for the geographic location or the type of people that dwell in this place, I was never able to associate myself with this town. That makes it easy for me, not to miss something gravely after I leave this place. Moving in from the East Coast with a vibrant Desi community to Mid West was a major compromise and I felt bad everytime I had to drive 8 hours to visit some place other than Clinton Lake and everytime I had to find sensible people to live / hangout with.

I finally realized that the town is uniquely archetypal and I'm a misfit here. I was just pondering over my 3+ yrs of stay in Lawrence and the things I'd miss the most would be Student Rec Center, Zen Zero, Volleyball, Dandiya and a few sane minions that I wouldn't name.  That makes me feel sad, for the social person like me, I never acquainted with anyone so much that I'd actually call them every week and talk hours together as I do with my college / Grad School friends. Maybe it is good because I got to spend time with Madhuri and know her even better!

Ok, I can keep raving for rest of the day but I wouldn't. On a positive note, I thank 2010 and '11 KUCIC teams for having me over and here's me cheering you guys for all the work you have done / did. Everyone can comment and critique from the sidelines but no one really knows what it takes to organize events for a community where majority of its population is passive. Thanks to CREW Network and KU for offering me a job when I needed it the most, even though I got paid in peanuts.

To every person I met in Lawrence, you have helped me prosper by not being anything like me and the people I found solace in, thanks for being in Lawrence atleast for that short period of time. To all the Graduate and Undergraduate "Jayhawks", good luck with your stay here and fare well with the likes of your friends and do better than your seniors. If you need me anytime, you know where to find me (Gmail, Phone, Facebook etc.,) and I'm ready to help as always.

With Cameraman Murali,  Blogger Vishnu, Lawrence, KS ;)

Adieu! 

Read More

8 years and who am I

A post totally about the College Blues.

It was around this date, 8 years ago, that I entered the gates of an amazing institution; amazing for not its structure or infrastructure but for the people it gave me. Transferring from a relatively new college to this better established institution was an easy decision to make but was not sure if it was the right one. But, the memories that live within me make me feel that my decision could never be any better. These blues are random and frequent but have been re-visiting me lately. I know I already posted my ramblings about this before in Moments of my Life, but it keeps getting back to me everytime I see my friends getting together or visiting the college campus.

I still remember my apprehensive first day at BVRIT. Following an hour long rocking journey in the hogtied bus, I entered the dry yet beautiful campus. If the set of classmates I always hung out with was of one kind, the set of people I traveled with was an amazing group altogether. I remember all the days when the walk from the classroom to the buses was horrifying, avoiding eye contact with the Seniors so that I don't get ragged. Nor did I ever forget the numerous assignments I wrote, not mine but the seniors'. I sometimes wonder, had I put in a little thought behind what I was writing, I'd have scored a few extra marks in my 2nd year ;).

When I roll the reel backwards and see how I have transformed over these 8 years with some introspection involved, I see:

- I don't skip my last two hours of classes for football anymore.
- I don't have any friends around me who are up for random things at random times
- Nobody stops in front of my house late in the night and honks me to step out
- I'm more materialistic now
- People don't join me for a movie or an outing on weekends anymore instead they ask me not to disturb them on weekends
- My 'girl' friends don't call me in the middle of night to rant off their petty issues
- I don't get to go on those long drives with my buddies anymore
- I don't wait for the week to begin anymore, instead I wait for it to end.
- I don't have to tiptoe to get out during the nights so that my parents don't wake up
- I don't have to use the excuse of Combined Studies to watch EPL
- I do attend some of those Fresher's parties but nothing like the ones we had in Pubs
- My humor is not as witty as before because now, I have a girl friend :P
- My laid back levels have dropped or should I say "I'm mature!"
- I don't need to worry whats in my Senior's pocket anymore :)
- I don't have friends who circulate the porn CDs anymore, I just find it by myself on the internet :P

And a few things that still didn't change are:

- I still have friends who work on MY homeworks
- I still play some sport everyday
- I still have the extra vigor for anything fun
- I still dance like Nobody's watching
- I still sit in the last two rows in a classroom / auditorium
- I still live off the food in restaurants and other joints
- I still don't booze or smoke
- I still earn my Pocket money :D

If I ever get a chance to relive my life, I'd rewind it back to my Engineering days because that is when I started to live my life. All the amazing people in my life were found at this place. If I learnt living life from my friends, acquaintances turned into friends because of the seniors who ragged the balls out of us. If it were not for them, I would have definitely missed the mystic pieces of my life. But as Robert Frost summarized life into 3 golden words, I absolutely relate my life to thee and find solace in them.

Cheers to ya'll and Fare well. :)

Read More

Confessions of a non-alchoholic

On a Friday night at a local sandbar;

Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: Water, thanks!
Waitress (the look on her face): What a loser! (And she never shows up)

I've never believed that a non-alcoholic would have confessions too. For a person like me, I should be an aggressive drinker considering the people I have lived with, the friends I hang out with and for that matter seeing my dad who loves his drink times with his bosom pals. Somehow,  it is a deep rooted infliction within me that doesn't let me drink. It is not that I hate being among a group of druk people or I dislike people who drink but I just can't see myself drinking, be it wine, beer or any breezers for that matter.

When I say I don't drink, I don't mean that I am uptight. I enjoy life in my own way, I have my own ways of busting out my stress and I don't need a medium to express my emotions. Without drinking, I'm still much sociable than most of my alcoholic friends if they think it is easy to socialize with a drink in hand. It is not a religious restriction or a lifestyle that somebody imposed on me but it is a personal choice.

Sometimes I feel left out when I'm with a group of people where everyone drinks but then I quickly come back to normalcy because it doesn't need a huge effort to strike up a conversation. I mildly giggle when I'm given the drinks menu along with the dinner menu, thinking thats not me. The whole situation gets much complex when I attend social gatherings with people from work as most of them drink and I usually go with the monologue "Just water for me, thanks".

Some people ask me why I don't drink, and I answer "To imbibe or not is a personal choice". Actually, I can be more silly than the people who are drunk. When I dance, I dance my heart out which I bet most of you cannot even while you are dead drunk. And yes, I remember every word you speak and I never bitched about it other than reciting it back to you and sharing a few laughs. Gladly, I've never been a social pariah when it comes to parties which has drinks. While some people are prejudiced about offering their liquor snacks to the non-drinkers, I gladly offer my soda to mix it with their booze, I beat you down with my attitude here.

Finally, I have always been proud of being determined and sticking to my ideals and hence no remorses. Cheers to all the boozers and the non's. Next time, when you call for a toast, remember that they call it cheers to celebrate but not decimate! I don't stop befriending you because you are thin, fat, ugly, black or bad because you are still a part of my life and I cherish it :)

Read More

The Smoke and Mirror that is no more

If you know how I used to look 4 years ago, you would definitely follow my grief on this huge, yet small piece of life which has gone missing. Have you ever seen the character on 7UP's bottle? Fido Dido, that is exactly how I looked ;) and having said that I was never depressed because I still felt good about myself and the people around me. May be it is my attitude that saved me from getting bullied or picked on by the "good-looking" people. I always felt splendid as I didn't have to think twice before I eat or read the calories per serving on everything I eat. Not that I do now, but just saying! And weirdly, I never felt like going to a gym or working out to put some mass on; just like I ignore warming up before I play.

I don't know why I was smitten by the act of hitting the gym after I came to Lawrence, but it had become a part of my daily lineup, later in 2010. To avoid being a typical workout newbie,  I avoided the mirrors in the gym so that I can get the job done and get out. I hate gaping myself at the mirror for hours together but I couldn't escape the wrath of this monster who came into Madhuri's bedroom in August 2010. I'm not very good in dimensions but it was half the size of the Table-tennis table. It was hung in such a fashion that anybody passing by that room canot resist looking at themselves in the mirror.

It all started with random sojourns and soon I realized I started admiring those tiny little curvaceous bumps on those once-decumbent arms. I very well knew that I was not building that fast but the mirror has been serving as the Smoke and Mirror in my life and was showing me what I was not. Even though, I knew that I was looking at the fabricated me, I was feeling good about myself which kept me motivated to go to the gym, come rain or shine. It was aberrant, but it was my friend because it was doing no harm, rather it was doing good by propelling my determination.

I gradually befriended it and made my stop overs count. I shared my muses with Madhuri but she smiled it away considering it to be kiddish. Last month, I had to sell it away to someone as Madhuri moved out and it was too huge to be carried along with me.  Even after she left, I have been working out but never did anything motivate me as much as it did. Now I have noone who could tell me how well the dumbbells have been working one me. I still eat, play, workout and sleep but nothing feels as good as it tickled my inner, falser but bigger me ;)

Read More

Take that Ms. Banerjee

This post is in response to Ms. Madhuri Banerjee's 5 Guys every woman should have. I was utter shocked to see a renowned and responsible journalist misconstruing a noble act of five brothers and an eternal sacrifice made by one of the noted chaste woman in Hindu mythology. Your post might have talked about the 5 guys a woman must have but mis-portraying Draupadi to be lucky and walking with a different person after every sunset makes me question your credibility. You probably have to revise your knowledge on this subject before you even think about it.

1st thing - She was shared among the five husbands because of the vow that Kunti had imposed on the five brothers. Kunti (woman) imposed it and the Pandavas (Men) abode by that, respecting their mother.  But, one has to never forget that the same scriptures mentioned Draupadi bearing just one son (Abhimanyu) with Arjuna who won her in the swayamvara. Do you know what must have gone through the mind of a woman when she is asked to share 5 husbands and the men simply fall for that vow imposed on them by another woman? You wanted to support your non-sensical post about a woman having 5 men in her life before she gets settled with one, quoting the example of Draupadi? - Can anyone get more foolish than that?

As far as your post is concerned, there are men who fit in all the 5 categories you mentioned, PERFECTLY! Stop fooling yourself and come out of the virtual world called self-denial. The man who can treat you like a woman is standing right next to you, kissing you good night every single night and tugging you safe into the blanket every day. This coin called Relationship has another facet as well, if you ever wanted to flip it. You named just 5 types of guys a woman should be with, I can start counting on the different types of woman a man must be with before he settles with one and the counter never stops.

Did you ever read this phrase:

Karyeshu Dasi, Karaneshu Manthri;

Bhojeshu Mata, Shayaneshu Rambha;

Roopeshu lakshmi, Kshamayeshu Dharitri;

Satkarma Nari, Kuladharma Pathni

It is a verse from Neethisaram, in praise of women! It clearly classifies every aspect of how a woman should be and people like you wouldn't understand because you think you are much ahead of the philosophy and ethics in life. Do you think, making Chick Flicks or authoring posts like these make you sound Uber cool? You may well be cool but would never master the Art of being a Woman. There is difference in living life and leading life and neither you nor people who admire your post / work would understand that. It is way out of your league!

And yes, I forgot to throw some light on the contrasting side, the >5 types of women that men should have 

1. A girl who doesn't have a lot of expectations from him. 

2. A woman who doesn't nag about everything all the time

3. A woman who can let him be at peace

4. A woman with lesser mood swings

5. A woman who can cook well and feed him, sometimes if not daily

6. A woman who can let him be himself

7. A woman who allows him to talk without thinking twice

8. A woman who is unselfish and not over protective

9. A woman who doesn't pester him to talk out everything

10. A women who can understand that Men don't enjoy Window shopping

I can keep writing all day, but I feel that it is a mere waste spending more time to revert back to you. I have other useful things to do in life. I am glad I don't have as many complaints about women in my life as you do (about men in your life)! 

Adieu!

Read More

Facebook-ology

The much needed post for the wellness of the Cyber mankind. I don't want to wake up everyday to see my facebook page filled with idiocy that I don't really care about and so do several others who are just there to find their long lost friends or may be for some casual ball. Urban Dictionary, my Dutch Uncle, terms "Facebookology" as 'The knowledge of whats going down on Facebook'. A couple of people asking me to blog about this and Sapota's mere frustration made me think about the Facebookology. Over the past few months, I was analyzing the spectrum of my friends on facebook. I couldn't resist but categorize them into gangs:

1. Fervent Faction: People in this gang are always upto something. There are people who 'like' every status message they come across; there are people who add every person they just stare at, you just smile at them on the road and there'll be a friend request even before you go home; there are people who are crazy about one particular thing and keep hammering their passion on the rest of the junta. We don't really care, you see!

There is a small group of people within this gang who are really curious on who visited their profile and who tagged them. They try all the different apps that are available on facebook, "Your Top follwers", "Who you would kill you", "Who is your best friend". "What would be your future". Damn it, don't you really know who your best friend is, do you need an app for that?

2. Jobless Jarheads: People in this gang never know what facebook is all about. They assume it to be a toy box. They are too idle to kill the time. They share every video they see, even though it was uploaded on the internet in the Stone Age and everyone else has already shared it like a thousand times. They think, think, think and think and then decide to spend their time wisely, they create a Farmville or a Cityville account. If that is a guy, he would create Mafia wars account because he is too masculine to design farms. They don't stop there, they feel privileged to show their farm layouts and city planning on facebook and the people whom I'd like to really appreciate are the ones who actually open those photos and 'Like' them.

And if they are too wise, they would start asking facebook which celebrity do they look like and who would be their life partner. Ok, I'd take the liberty to tell you that you are acting like an Ass now (whether you take that to be a donkey or the behind, it is upto you). You might do it for fun, but we plead you to create a private account for that, add people who could tolerate those activities and share your feelings there. We respect your privacy.

3. Spamming Syndicates: The subgroups in 1 & 2 and a few other people comprise this gang. All they know is clicking on the link which comes across their way. They something interesting about them, "Your best friend", "Your top follower", "Yo XXXXX you were tagged in this video". People in this gang are really self indulgent which is why I think are always after the word"You/Your". And Ta Da! they are all over facebook posting spam. And finally, we see a sorry message at the end of the day asking us not to click. Thank you, We are not as foolish as you were!

4. Barging Barrens: People in this gang are the ones who keep the facebook server up and running all the time. They are keen on updating their status every hour. If they have nothing to say, they post !@#$%^&. And you don't feel like hiding their updates because they are too dear to you. Now, there is a small fraction of this gang which does not post crazy special characters but they'd crash land into every possible place in the neighborhood and "Check-in".  If you are with a group of friends and hanging out after a long time, we understand. But if you are alone, busy doing nothing at some cinema hall or shopping mall, who cares?

Sapota predicts that there would be days when people will start updating their statuses to "Just had breakfast", "Just had coffee at Starbucks", "Window shopping at XYZ Mall with Tom, Dick and Harry". He says "He has much bigger problems to worry about".

5. Juvenile Jammers: People in this gang are just out of high school and they think they are too old for myspace or orkut. It would have been much better if Zuckerberg regulated the access only for .edu email addresses. He could have weeded out all these High School Graduates who do nothing but tag people in crazy photos or continuously access the useless apps on facebook. The other day it took 10 minutes to remove all the crazy tags I was associated with. Time is not a matter, patience is!


6. Legitimate Laggers: I termed them 'Laggers' because people often tend to forget to notice any updates from people in this Gang. And that is because rest of their screen's real estate has been occupied by the rest of the gangs above. These people try to spread general awareness or share interesting articles but noone really cares because they are fed up with the numerous scumming. And hence doesn't show up in the News Feed. It also includes the people who are victims of the 5 groups above and the sole reason they are on facebook is to know how and what their friends are doing. But sadly, all they say is Horoscopes, Paul the Octopus's updates, Which Celebrity are you, Top viewer of your profile and every possible useless piece of crap.


Some people implode within themselves, some laugh at the rest, some bitch about them, some feel worried and people like me BLOG. Share it! To the change, fellas!

Read More

The eternal Black Hole called Job Search

Everyone in this world goes through this phase atleast once unless the person is really wealthy and aimless in life. Surprisingly, I have been getting back to this phase every year since 2004. It never gets rid of me and I never get tired of it and the irony is we get along pretty well. I have now become a Master at Job Searching techniques and I sometimes end up thinking that I should probably start a firm that would help others with Job Search. I still ace up my sleeves when it comes to job search, sometimes I have been lucky and sometimes it has been hard on me. Speaking Chronologically:

1.  May 2004 - After finishing 2nd year of college, I feel that I'm a grown up and should stop pestering my parents for my luxuries and I am on the roads searching for some part-time jobs. Dubiously following Sapota's advise - I take up a "Faltoo" job where my earnings hardly met my necessities.

2. January 2005 - I decide to take another path and start tutoring while I study for my GRE and earned quite a bit but that ended very soon when the high school kid finished his High School.
3. May 2006 - Straight out of college, I decide to pursue Masters. Having found a 3 months leisure, I attended several interviews for Call Center jobs and failed and finally ended doing Event Management. 
4. August 2006 - I come over to the US, my hunt for on-campus jobs and assistantships start; I was the first one to start and the last one to end up with one.
5. December 2007 - Realizing that I would have enough time for next Summer, I search for the jackpot Internships and off campus jobs
6. June 2008 - I decide to move out to Kansas and start searching for jobs in KANSAS
7. 2009 - Tired of working Part time, I search for a full time job (all year long)
8. 2010 - The search continues
9. 2011 - Madhuri leaves Kansas and now I'm searching again

A typical day during this phase would include atleast 10 emails saying that you application has been rejected and atleast 50 of them saying that "We have received your resume". Whilst I'm not qualified for most of them, rest of them do not like "International Aliens". I'm still not tired of wearing the Black suit over and over to look professional. As an insult to an injury, I graduated from Grad School in 2008 which I feel is the worst time that one could ever graduate. I have composed thousands of emails, formatted my resume atleast 20 times and tailored 50 different cover letters to suit different jobs but I still feel I'm an under-achiever. I ruled out speculations regarding 3-page resumes, skepticisms about international hiring and still I find myself nowhere closer to those numerous job postings floating out there.

Everytime, I talk to someone - I get to hear "I hear the Job Market is good these days"! Hell yes, Can't you see I'm working on 5 different jobs simultaneously, Do you care for one? It looks to me like 1000s of my emails and 10,000s of my applications are just going down the drain. They set out in the right direction, but they never are reverted - just like the ships entering the Bermuda Triangle and never coming back. Some said, your resume is still being reviewed, some said the position has been offered to someone else, some said they closed the position, very very few said they'd offer me the position and most of them never responded. I always wondered why they responded back using Postal mails to say that I was not selected for the interview process. Some people, however, make it look like a cake walk off course through the back door referrals while some join the racketed firms with no option left and take up a challenge disguising 5-15 years of their life. These people should enter the Ripley's Believe it or not contest.

The whole application process starts with Google searching for jobs in my area and the process goes to an extent that I end up at wikipedia searching for local companies with Careerbuilder, Linkedin and several others being the usual pit stops. Rarely, I make it to the interview process and then the merry begins. It starts with "Tell Me about yourself" and it ends with "You'll hear back from us soon". I'm tired of answering the questions: What are your strengths and weaknesses and I'm falling short of instances that would explain situations when I had a problem at work and how I overcame it. Yes, I am a team player and I love conversations. No, my bosses never had any complaints against me and never did I cause any problems to my co-workers. I know A, B, C, C++, JAVA, COBOL, VB, .NET, SAP, TCP/IP, YAMAHA 2.5 and everything that you can name and you can pay me just 25K an year.

Good Luck to the folks who are in searching phase and applause for the ones who have been through it successfully. 

Read More

2 hours minus Technology

This dude I'm talking about is alone right now and has scheduled several appointments over the 1st half of the day on a cloudy Wednesday. He owns a car which needs to be serviced, has a Debit card and its PIN has been locked out and a Sony Ericsson C 905 with a shattered screen and as the menu card reads, today's special is fever + nausea. Apparently, he realized that he has to catch up with a lot of things that were being pushed over a few weeks but what he didn't realize was that he had planned too much for the next 2 hours.

After a night full of rigorous coughing and non-stop sneezing, he reluctantly wakes up, showers and decides to go to work, only after finishing those tasks. While brushing his teeth, quickly grabs a pen and writes down the list of things that need to be done. Grunting at the new guy who has been shouting directly to Chennai without using the phone, he cursed himself for having found a new roommate. He then did what he is usually best at, plan the order of doing things. After listing down few of the many to-do things, he set out hoping to complete all the listed tasks. After he drove for a mile, he realized that he forgot his antiquated cell phone at home. Without giving it a second thought, he decided to drive further and complete each of his tasks one after the other. And the story starts here!

He directly goes to the Service Center, drops his car off for an Oil Change and a few other fixes. He manages to get a ride in his own car to downtown where he could get and moving most of his works. He first visits the library to renew a books and realized that it didn't open until the next 1 hour, so he had no other option than returning the books through a dump. He then decides to walk to the one of the banks which was one of the few tasks and felt the deficit of a 50 oz weight in the left side of his jeans. He missed it because he could have avoided walking alone and staring at Spring deserted pavements and traffic lights. Dawdling and ambling, he finally approaches the bank, tries to open the door swiftly and no sooner he notices the "Hours of Operation" in-scripted right by the handle.

Ta-Da! Only if he had a phone, he could have survived the boring Wednesday morning waiting 30 more minutes for the bank's door to open. Or, he could become the Alladin to chant Khul-ja-Simsim. The latter one was impossible and the former one far too possible. As he was counting the number of cars that passed by him, sitting on the side steps, a stranger from the nearby gas station walks up to him. He extends his hand out to him, greets him, and introduces himself as David and his opening line was "I am not the David in the Bible". By now, this dude has judged the new dude who was in his mid fifties to be a homeless guy who was waiting to rant away his ramblings. As expected, he turned out to be one. For a change, he was a well-informed homeless man. They both talked about ethics, mythology and politics. As a matter of fact, he was just listening while the old man kept saying. He again wondered, while still pretending to listen to the man very keenly,  how could he forget his phone. Just before 9.00 AM the man left and he made this dude promise him that he'll attend the "Jazz House" while he played Ukelele tonight.

As the doors opened, he got his work done at the bank and set right out for the next thing on his list, to another bank. As he was feebly walking, he now realizes that he hadn't brought Gatorade which could have given him some energy to walk the couple of streets to reach to the bank. By the Grace of the Holy Mother, he reached there, got his work done. He comes out, walks to the bus stop and he realizes that he does not have the Bus Route Map to now when and where to board the bus. After waiting for a couple of minutes, he decides to take the '11' no. bus (11 -> two legs) and starts walking. He gets weaker and weaker as he walks and finally reaches the service center. He was on his own after that but look at how he could have saved time with technology.

• He could have used the phone to know the timings of the Banks or the Library
• He could have walked to the bus stop and take the bus instead of walking all the way
• He could have avoided the intellectual discussion with the aged man
• He could have called the Service Center and arranged a pickup from Downtown.

The dude in this post has not given me the rights to disclose his real name. But you know who :D

Read More

The new Dronacharya

I faced one question from everyone while I was growing up and I believe most of you had similar questions posed to you: "Beta, bada hoke, kya banega?" (What do you wish to be after you grow up?) Sometimes, I just passed that question as I never knew what was in store for me and sometimes I said I wanted to become IAS officer which was a common trend when I was a kid. While some thought I was serious as they believed I had the caliber, I laughed it off as I was not sure if I was prepared enough to pass my slip test the next day. And with my sardonically ground breaking General Knowledge, I know I was aiming at the obviously unachievable.

As I met new people and sailed through different phases of life, I was getting better at knowing what I was good at and what I was terrible at. Everyone I met helped me to gain a perspective of my life and my parents made it even easier for me, by imbibing the most positive values in me. Having 'it' in me is one aspect while realizing my strengths is an absolute different thing and Madhuri made me realize the obvious strengths I had. The last couple of years, I have been trying to get to the point where I always have foreseen myself. I never had a blueprint chalked out, but I had an obscure image of where I would see myself after 10 or 20 years. Especially, the state I am in right now, at a professionally thriving phase, I needed someone to look up to who thinks on the same grounds as I do.

On April 2nd, 2011, I realized that he was the person I always had been thinking of. I then forfeited all my neutral opinions on this person. There was a time when I doubted his selfish attitude in scoring runs, but after I saw him cheered by a billion hearts en masse, I ruled out every minor skepticism I bared. If someone is carrying you on their shoulders all around the field, if people are cheering every move of yours (either you bat, bowl, field or just even walk), if you are respected with Honorary Doctorates from multiple institutions; you are not just any athlete!  It was really amazing to see everyone cheering him when he fielded, although the only thing he did was stop the ball and that too normally. I can't think of anyone else who enjoys a similar privilege.

I still believe that it is not just your batting expertise that brings you all these admirers but it is the disposition that you carry around, the way you maintain your ground, the lifestyle you lead and much importantly the humble attitude you possess. I was entirely spellbound when I saw the youngsters carry you on their shoulders and when the crowd gave you a standing ovation during the post-match celebrations. You should really have something spectacular in you to win so many hearts and this day, Sir, I idolize you as my Dronacharya. Having said that, I didn't mean I wanted to be a pioneer in Cricket but I shall practice being humble when I get famous. Unlike you, I was never adept in anything I did but today, I take an oath that I'll be useful to my country at some point in my life and the direction of my ambition would be - To be remembered by several people around me, who would celebrate my victory as theirs and absolutely love me for who I am.

I have had people in my life who admire me as a good Friend, a good Leader, a good Senior,a good Athlete, also as a good Human but I now dream of being 'like' Sachin! You are the only person after my Dad, I totally look up to in most of my deeds. Not just for scoring tons of runs but for the MAN you are; for the athletic ability you possess at the age of 37; for the social responsibility you display; for the ground you maintain; for the way you never ignore your admirers. Take a bow Master!

I don't know if I could get this to you ever but I hope to see your comment someday :).

Yours Faithfully,
VK (Remember these initials!)

Read More

My First Crush and the first Love Letter

Did you ever write a love letter to someone? Who was the first woman / girl you had a crush on? I was pondering over these two things early in the morning today. I made sure I blog about it after I wake up from my dream and here I am.

Every guy passes through this phase. If not, you might want to relive your younger years once again. Talking about me, being born notorious :P, I had my first crush at the age of 12 and my first love letter at the age of  7. Oh yes, you read that right! I know it has to be the contrary but my Love Letter came much before I had a serious crush on someone.

I don't remember if that was due to the after-effects of a movie that I saw the previous day or watching someone do it but I did this when I was in Class 3. I opened my Notebook and on the Hardback (Cardboard cover after the last page), I wrote "I LOVE ". I didn't disclose her name here for obvious reasons. It was as if I was making a statement, rather than writing a Love Letter. I went home in the evening and as usual my mother starts flipping the pages of my notebook for the day's classwork and 'Bang' suddenly I remember that I inscribed these famous writings on my notebook. My looks were wandering around the corners of the room (as usual) looking for an apt lie (explanation). 

In stern, she questions me "What is this?"
Me: What? (As if I don't have the tiniest hint of whats going on)
Me: "I LOVE " (I read it aloud), "Who wrote that?" :D
She: "Looks like you wrote that, thats how your handwriting is"
Me: I told her that someone might have forged that in my book as I didn't know who did that ;)

I couldn't perceive her thoughts with my budding Mind reading skills but I was quite sure that she got convinced. You know haw hard it is for a 7 year old to understand whats going on in the mind of  a person who is 3 times older to you and that too a woman. Well, that day, I escaped narrowly and my notebook was changed but I still remember that incident. The irony of the whole episode is I am still a good friend of that girl and I never wrote a Love Letter per say after that. :)

Does anyone of you has a crazier story, I'm listening!

Read More

Yeh Dil Maange more

• I was a kid, I wanted to ride my father's scooter
• I was young, I wanted a bike for myself

• I was in college, I wanted football shoes (studs)
• I was about to graduate, I wanted to earn money so that I can spend it with no bounds
• I graduated from college, I wanted to run away from my past for a while
• I was into University, I wanted to be a leader
• I was Graduating from University, wanted my degree to be useful (Academic Project)
• I was 23, I wanted a Girl Friend
• I graduated, I wanted a job
• I had loans, I wanted a full-time & well paid job
• I am a Database Administrator, NOW I want to interview people for other jobs.

This journey of wanting something at every stage of life has helped me achieve it. I can't think of anything that I missed out on, other than #2. And I'm sure the list keeps growing with my unquenched and random desires.

I'm not aimless but ambitious. I'm not egoistic but have an attitude. I do not seek pride but enjoy recognition. If you know what I mean! 

Wow, my impromptu abilities are taking a spark. :)

Read More

Relationships vs Expectaions

Motivated by the writings of one of my friends on her wall.

root cause of all frustrations in life is expecting something from another person....let it be happiness, honesty, fidelity, etc......

I've always believed in this but never tried to rub my thoughts on anyone. I was just thinking how a person models himself / herself per the society. You expect your friend to call you back after you call him once, you expect your friend to understand you when you are in distress, you expect someone else to clean up your mess and you expect someone to come change the political system.

When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have - Stephen Hawking!

With expectations come dejections, followed by suppressed emotions and then ultimately leading to frustrations. Finally, it boils down to blame game on who didn't live upto whose expectations. It starts at a petty issue, grows to an argument and ends at hostility. Some people would be able to comprehend on what leads to the all the mess while some feel good crying out to the assumed guilts.

A teacher has expectations on a student, Parents have expectations from their children, Girls expect a lot from their boy friends / husbands and a citizen has expectations on the leaders and everyone of us expects a lot to happen out of destiny. All these times, I had this simple question on my mind. Why raise expectations and feel dejected while you can shrug all this and make the other person feel the same. :)

Another side of this coin would be to forgo the disappointments while still building up expectation on people or situations. This is what I do, A piece of free advice.

Read More