Goodbye

The strongest of ties, the weakest of links
The memories I made which will never sink

The love for food, The zeal for football
The batty family that tolerated it all

The late-night frolics, The secret phone calls,
The oversized wallet with nothing but offal 

The first kiss, The first drive
The Theenmaars and all The bus rides

The endless laughs, The precious tears
The best of friends to share all fears

The odd jobs, The first pay
All the gully cricket I ever played.

The confessions, The dreams, The fights
The laughter riots which we called "The group study" nights  

The reason behind this failed balladry is that the common thread tying all those experiences for me is bidding goodbye to me.

The coop that housed 4 generations, witnessed variable levels of emotions, saw a majority of our childhood, teenage years, and adult years will soon be empty. The house that we lived in, built upon, and made memories at, is being vacated as I write this. I feel like a part of legendary history is being left behind as my parents embark on their new adventure. 

Reluctantly, I'm happy about their move but I wish I had one last chance to bid a proper goodbye to the solid pal who shared my deepest secrets, happiest moments, silliest chances, and painful glooms.

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Oblivion of the Y Chromosome

Every year, on the 8th of March, I call my mother to wish her a Happy Birthday and she asks me instead - Are you going to wish me a Happy Women's Day? My answer is always a No. Well, sort of!

The first time I learned of Women's Day, I went with the flow. I bought her gifts, wished her and made her feel special. After a few years, I wondered when was the last time my dad asked for something like that. I then fished around to see if any man I knew wished to be keen about things like these. A quick peep into the social network behavior patterns revealed that men tend to be more concerned with Women's day rather than advocating something similar for themselves.

The next quest was to find out if there was a dedicated calendar date for such a thing. Guess what? There is - it is called the "International Men's Day". November 19th was decided to be the day when the world is supposed to be "celebrating" it. I wasn't surprised when I didn't see any advertisements or advocations about that day. Because a man's emotions are always a nuance that are often blind-sided.

So, I began to wonder. What do you do on a day like this?

Valentines Day - you gift flowers
Mothers Day - You praise your mom for raising you and maybe take her out for a nice dinner
Women's Day - Repeat above and include wife
Thanksgiving Day - you eat turkey
Environment Day - You plant a tree / clean your community (do you?) - another topic for another day
Yoga Day - Do yoga, duh!
Father's day - Change your profile picture on facebook
Men's Day- ?

I had an answer. Do nothing. Just let him do his thing. Don't conquer the TV remote, don't ask him what is he thinking about, don't nag - just for a day. It means so much to us men. They perhaps might not enjoy the solitude for a full day and might skip their "celebration".

 If you think this is too trivial and we don't need a  day to honor men in our lives. Here's a short  masterpiece for you:

 If you are a child: Hug him
 If you are a parent: Give him some extra love
 If you are a wife: Well, you know!
 If you are a friend: Be thankful
 If you are a man yourself: Don't brush it off. New  age feminists are on the rise.


 How I celebrated? A nice game of soccer,  awesome Malaysian food, basketball, Deadpool  and my night succumbed to an episode of Sex and the City. See! I'm not joking, blind sides are never portrayed to their true sense.

Happy International Men's Day ya'll!

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Your's truly, Ep-2

Hi,

It's me again. You know me; We have someone / something in common - your parents? your cousins? your friends? I don't know. I know I own you, I feel superior, I feel itchy and the line that you think I jump is a little dot to me. Simply put, my life is a narrative of any of the negative characters from any daily serial . I am a well trained assassin of your Peace of mind. I specialize in Envy, majored in Gripe and hold a doctorate in Collation.

I'm never alone, because I recruit people constantly. My tongue was cursed / gifted, so I can blurt out any non-sense and I know you'll keep shut because of your societal limitations. You always wish you're not seen with your girl friend, not by your immediate family; but me. You secretly wished that my neighbor's maternal aunt's distant cousin's girl friend was dead because she was your yard stick. I butt into almost every decision you or your parents make:

• Which major to choose
• Which school to attend
• What clothes to wear
• How to walk
• What to eat
• If you should wear those jeans above the waistline
• Who to date, who to marry - Why and Why not
•  Your sexual orientation, yes I decide!

The best part of my life is you are bound to this, you can't escape.

You can't ignore me - I Bitch
You can't fight me - I manipulate
You can't accept me - You have self-esteem, I don't
You can't share with me - I Stereotype, Opinionate & Judge!
You can't conceal anything from me either - My C(Curiosity) chromosome is deep

I don't know squat about Indian history but I think your skirt is against the Indian culture. My son does not have a stable job but I'm keen to know how much you earn. I point out at your nuances in your lifestyle with my murky judgemental fingers. I never bothered to aid you when you were in serious distress but I own the right to be miffed for not being invited to your wedding.

I can't understand that if I don't have anything nice to say, I can shut up! I'm very sorry that I'm an intricate part of your life and you can't do much about it.

Your's truly,
Your Nosy Neighbor / Resentful Relative / Judgemental "Friend"

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One for the game

There were days when I used to kick the ball back and forth against a white concrete wall just by myself, because everyone else was either busy attending classes or yapping with their girl friends in the cafeteria. There were also those days  where I encountered people who preferred watching and talking about the sport than actually play it and I was still there, kicking the ball against the concrete wall. It is one thing to be known for what you are and another thing to be known for what you do. I'm glad I've always been known for my love for Football.

I've been nick-named several things, called out different names while on the field but one particular incident today propels me to draft this post. During the weekly pickup game today, one player talks to another.

Player 1:  Hey, What is your name?
Other guy: Alan
Player 1: You play awesome, turns to me and asks "Did you know his name is Alan?"
Me: Off course, we play every week. (He's an awesome attacking mid-fielder)
Alan: Do you know what his name is? (Pointing out to me)
Player 1: No
Alan: I call him Dante, you know Brazilian defender Dante? He is tall, big, fit, fast and an excellent defender and I like him.
Me: ~Iqbal moment~

While on field, I hear different things.

Dude, you are longer than October
Please don't go forward, you're a beast in defense
Where in the hell did you come from? (Most common, when I steal the ball from the attacker)
Do you get tired at all?

But what happened yesterday put me on a cloud.

Football gave me the best friends I ever had, awesome roommates, an ever lasting tan and an irritating Keral. If it was not for the love of it, it'd have been laying aside like one of my many part-time hobbies (Photography, Djembe, Vedic astrology to name a few). As of today, I feel super lucky that I'm able to find time, health and fitness to get out and play and I wish this continues for the rest of my life. Cheers to the sport, all the wonderful memories I have of it so far, the friends I made on fields and the opponents who made me walk tall.

Hon'ble mentions:

• The Mrs.- For not being a constant attention seeker 
• The Father - For saying "I'm surprised you chose to play football and not cricket unlike most of the kids from your generation", when I came out of the closet and asked to be joined in the summer camp for Football ;) (Also, my love for the game is genetic. I once overheard my father telling my mom that he was a goalie when he was a kid)
• The Amigo - For calling me Dante!

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Welcome home

A good friend once told me "Your life would change once you bring a dog home". I always thought why she said so and wondered if she was exaggerating. 14 months into our lives, as much as I never imagined, you brought immense amount of happiness into our lives. A lot of reading gave me an impression that having a pet gets one used to having a child. I now understand what they base their explications on.

Out of everyone, there was one person who was the most amazed at my decision of bringing you home - ME. There were two voices inside my head battling with each other and all I hoped was for the decision to be a right one. While the friends and family were pleasantly surprised, I stood by my decision of the new found affection for you.

You mirror my behavior sometimes and you edify some ways of life through your muted actions. You stand as a perfect example for Love that is unconditional  and have taught me how pure can it be. While we all grow up to be more materialistic and narrow-minded you just grow up to be more lovable not just by us but by everyone who knows you. You have taught us how not to pay heed to someone who doesn't bother to bond, explaining the importance of self-respect. And when it comes to loving someone back,you set the bar really high. You've met the best of cynophobics, some who ended up befriending you and you ignored the rest.

Your mischievous attitude, unending energy levels, voracious appetite give me a feeling that there is someone else in the home who is just like me. As much trouble you have given us in raising you, you have given us more pleasure every evening at home. The chases, the wrestling, the mischief, the fetches, the play-dates; everything has been an experience in itself.

For whatever it is, there is not one day I have regretted my decision. Thanks for being an awesome company, a noble being, a classified example and an inspiration for me to blog again. For people who think I'm making a big deal of having a pet, Yes, I am! I'd reiterate the same ~ "Bring a dog home, it'll change your life forever"

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Your's truly, Ep-1

Everyone knows me.

I am the most famous celebrity ever. I am looked at every day by everyone; some look at me with dissent while some roll their eyes and sigh "Someday". Though I face the brunt from a lot of people for just being myself, I digest all the curses for a selfless reason.

When I don't grow in age, it could be a problem but when people grow in age, it is a definite problem. People complain about me, rave about me, crib about me and I don't say a word. The few exclusions in my life, the people who showcase PDA towards me -  the one's with the magic chisels. People shop, mostly to conceal me or flaunt me. 

In most cases I take credit for all the subscriptions to fitness centers and health clubs and several as-seen-on-tv products. I also take some credit for up-keeping the economy at all times with people's obsession with me and all the dollars spent on my shopping. I am the reason for most of the tabloids and the reason hot chicks show up on the front covers of several magazines (You are welcome!).

The people who know me, take good care of me. While a few of them don't care about me, some like to think they don't care about me but spend several hours thinking about me and working for me.  

I am to you, what you are to me!

Your's truly,

Your Belly.

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The first Cheque

I believed it would be hard for my family to fund my petty expenses after harboring my worthless EAMCET rank. So, I adapted to the virtue of earning while learning to accommodate my voracious appetite for food, friends, and accessories. However, earning and learning were mutually exclusive. This way, I was able to satisfy my ego and also shun away the feeling of being accountable.

Unlike a typical student, tutoring was never my first choice; for I was not a great student myself. I did many unconventional jobs which paid me decent by the day, decent enough to fund my own bike. After a while, I also did the dreadful tutoring (God save the kids I tutored!) hoping that I'll ride my bike sooner. All this had to be done covertly for I didn't want my "Middle-class" parents to think of me as the 90s hero carrying the family burden on his shoulders.

Very soon after I started earning, I was ready with my savings and so was my Visa with its air ticket. Realizing that I don't have enough time to buy and enjoy my ride, I spent all the money I earned (Ah, the joys of spending with nothing to care about!). During all these days, I never had the urge to save my first penny / rupee to remark something. I was just keeping myself busy in the few hours of free time I had for myself and money just happened to me.

Things set off differently when I laid my foot in the "Land of Opportunities". Conceding the FOB tendency of rupee to dollar conversion, I was not very comfortable spending the money anymore. Moreover, the fact that I was the last one in my batch to secure an on-campus job didn't alleviate that feeling either. After much persistence and persuasion, I landed up with an on-campus job which was barely enough to meet my living expenses. Being an "International alien", I had to wait for a long time before the DHS approved me of my legal presence and I started to work agreeing to take retroactive pay once everything gets settled.

In the meantime, with all the hectic course work and staying connected with family and friends, I lost track of how much I worked and my expenses (I was just living off my loan). On one of the night shifts, the manager walks upto me and places a perforated envelope on my desk. I tore it along the edges in a latent thought and a smile filled with pride ran from ear to ear. It was just a desk assistant job but the immense amount of pleasure I had looking at it, was priceless.I immediately reached out to the phone in my pocket and snapped a photo of the check so that it lives digitally forever. I then walked straight to the bank, deposited the money into my account with great pride, at this point the teller was trying to figure out why a drowsily looking brown guy was hesitantly trying to flirt with her. And then I danced my way home singing in my head "Hum ho gaye kamyab / We shall overcome"

Just like everything else I narrated above, the next few incidents happened with zero control over my mind. I opened a gift delivery services website, ordered Ray-Ban aviator for the person who always admired its style but never dared the luxury to own one, a gift cheque of 2000 Rs from Chandana Bros for my mother because I'm a guy and I didn't know what more can a mother appreciate than a gift cheque to buy a saree of her choice and a huge pack of chocolates for my brother whose wish list is always bigger than any of my paychecks ever.

I closed the laptop and went to sleep in content. I have earned before, spent before and gifted before but for some reason this feeling was out of the world. Maybe because it remarked the beginning of a new chapter in my life but I lived that moment. I would love to write how my family received their gifts but then it would be a TV serial with episodes that would never end. The next morning I woke up to realize that I used up all the money which was actually my next month's rent, and thus I started my life at Grad school.

Cheers!

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Blind fanaticism

Everyday, I see a shared photo on the social networking sites about proud of being something, I wonder what are they proud of. For me the word "pride / proud", is reserved for achievements of my own not something that occurs to me by birth.

The other day I login to facebook, only to see a couple of people on my newsfeed sharing pictures of hindu deities and the curios me opened to see what it was about. It was published in a community called "Proud to be a Hindu" and the first thing I mumbled, "Dafaq". It is a genetic accident you idiot that you were born into that community, it could be any community for that matter. There is nothing to be proud of, you don't even know the names of the four Vedas!

Then there is the second kind, who spring out every once in a while to mark their presence and to be heard. Yes, yes the sport / sport club fans. "Proud Giants fan, Proud of being a ManU fan, Proud Sachin Tendulkar fan". Dei, he was gifted a Ferrari admiring his sporting abilities and you are striving hard to make a 6 digit salary. Mr. "Proud ManU fan, forever", while the 16 players are sweating their butts out running across the field numerous times; you are sipping beer and crunching potato chips on your couch. Get a life dude! And don't even get me started on the desi Thunders / Lakers / 49ers / Pats fans. Half of you have never even touched the basketball / football, what are you so proud about?

Come any product release from Apple, bragging rights flood all over. Proud owner of IPhone 5 it seems, as if the gadgets are gifted to them for all the good deeds they have done. Angry birds is they first app they install and Temple Run 2 is the last. Most of them don't even know the history of Apple or Mr. Jobs but are the first ones to post pictures of their "proud" possessions online.

Proud to be an Indian? It isn't a skill you dork! Next what? I'm 5'11" and I'm proud of it or I have appendicitis and I'm proud of it?

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What do I wish her?

Every year on March 8th, my mother reiterates the same question "Did you wish me a Happy Women's day?" even before she thanks me for wishing her a Happy birthday. Most of the times, I take it with a pinch of salt and wish her a happy Women's day; because the one time I lectured her on how there is no reason to actually celebrate that occasion, she ended up being upset. I'm sure I'll be facing this question again tonight when I call her and how do I tell her that there is no reason for us to be happy about the current stage of women.

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Crooks-tale

Once upon a time on the face of earth, existed a beautiful and glorious piece of land which was a house of many beautiful Anthropomorphic flowers, birds, plants and tall trees. The priceless piece of land, like any other materialistic commodity, was subject to invasions and encroachments  Finally, a few families divided it, owned it and eventually started exploiting it. With slightest governance from the owners, pests and weeds crept into the garden and started to eat away the daisies. Midst this mayhem, the birds, the bees and the flowers in the trees protested. They tried to forgive and forget for all that they have been through - continued to sustain.

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Blog and Brood part-1

Something struck! I realized, there are numerous life changing incidents that I encounter every once in a while. However, I never seem to understand the lesson each of them tries to teach. Until one day, it occurred to me that I should 'Blog and then brood' so that others can associate to what I feel, thus facilitating chained pondering.

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It's our 5th

The day when a 7 hour long phone call changed my life! This day comes and goes past every year but it fills me with fresh life every time. When I traverse through my timeline, I feel so happy that I don't have to search for the moments to cherish. They are right in front of me on a show-reel; All I need to do is sit back,watch the show and relive all those moments. We have evolved from long phone conversations to emails, to skype, to face time, to Gtalk, to a live-in relationship and to a marriage and the Love is still in the air :) 

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The Blind Side

The process of hand holding and pointing has been an age old practice and is a coherent part of everyone's lifestyle. What I cannot comprehend are the seemingly trivial aspects that ebb out of people's perceptions. Everytime I notice something, I realize that it is not how I was told to perceive. Then, I end up correlating  the present state of mind to the experiences of my past and I can clearly observe the disparity.

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Jugalbandits

Has been sitting in the drafts section for a while and it decided to see the dawn today, so here it is. "Jugalbandi", if you don't know, is an act / performance by two or more musicians where the performance is not clearly performed by just one person alone. The title, however, differs its diction relating to the various happenings across the nation. "Bandit", as per wikipedia, is a lawless desperate marauder. So you get the drill?

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Deccan's Chronicles

Just back from lunch with the fellas at work.Some come from Mumbai, some from Kolkatta, a few from Delhi and me from, you know where. All of them were taking turns ranting about their respective cities and someone mentioned "Hyderabad", the industrial hub. Esoterically, I wanted to add, that is not the city that is worth a mention. There are several scoops about the city which makes it vivacious and surely on par when it comes to knocking heads with other metros. I reckoned, they ought to know about the city and its inhabitants who are the most laid-back, sluggish and dildaar people on planet earth. I wanted to see how the birthplace of Ma-ki-kirkiri, Yaaro, Baingan, Phatte and Dimakh Kharab can blow one's mind with its civilization.

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Pride and Prejudice

The "About Me" question in the networking sites is like the "Tell me about yourself" question that I'm usually asked in the job interviews. While I'm being watched and judged in both the situations; I take pride in one and prejudiced about the other. Did you ever speculate within yourself about why you sport contrasting shams at every point in life? I always wondered!

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'NRI'volution

5 and a half years of watching people of different ages, in different situations and of different lifestyles; I had to seek inspiration from Mr. Darwin to render my theory about the subjects of my faction - 'NRI'volution.

Over the past 2 decades, the number of  "International Aliens" from India has been tremendously growing and the whole "culture shock" process doesn't seem to be a concern anymore. I believe, In the process of getting accustomed, every NRI traverses through one or more of these phases during their journey; voluntarily or involuntarily.

Phase 1:

• Staring at everything and everyone, this is something that every Indian goes through (Remember? staring at every person boarding the bus or peeping into houses / windows while you pass or glancing at everyone who looks slightly indifferent)
• If it is a guy, every white girl looks beautiful to him (as one of my friend terms it - A 'Speed Breaker')
• Every dollar spent is converted into rupees
• "If it were in India" is your favorite line for the next few months
• Frequency of catching up with friends / family back home - atleast once a week
• Walmart and Kohls are the places of Awe
• Taking pictures and sharing them is your latest hobby
• Shopping at Aeropostale and Old Navy IS a big deal
• You take pride in twisting your tongue while speaking English so that people understand you
• Taco bell and Mc Donalds are the only restaurants you know

Phase 2:

• Hi transforms into Hey, Curd becomes Yogurt and the first words out of your mouth are "Whats up!"
• Hip-hop is the new cult
• Your pants go down your waist by an inch or two and you are not worried about your innerwear showing out
• You are past Aeropostale and like it at American Eagle
• Attitude is your new language
• Trip to India is the next thing on the calendar
• Parties on Friday nights is your slogan and pubs are your entertainment hubs
• Hitting the bed at early hours and waking up at noon is the trending regime and you are proud of it
• You visit deals2buy and sister websites atleast once a week

Phase 3:

• Poker is the new religion
• Cricket's out and Football (American) is in
• You are more concerned about fitness than you ever were
• Photography is the new found passion
• Smart phones and Expensive cars are the latest prides
• Hollister and A&F are the only brands that fit you
• You prefer watching sports to playing and if  you are playing something it is on X-box / Wii
• Sporting Hair / beard is your new style quotient
• Green Card is the next thing on your bucket list
• The new jinx is heading back home versus making this your home
• You are more active in political matters or debating about national progress and social causes, on facebook!
• You bring in the accent while talking to desis too

Phase 4:

• Teaching your mother tongue to your kids seems impossible, which is your major concern - keeping the traditional spirits alive is important!
• All the long lasting ties tend to start disappearing
• Golf is your new found love
• You tip well at restaurants, now!
• Worrying about the accent is long gone
• Stocks is the new language you speak
• Desis are boring, you choose to live in a hideout
• Lazyboys, Plasma TVs, Backyards and Minivans are new possessions
• Suddenly, Whole Foods is what you feed on.
• Decaf and Diet Coke are the staple sips
• 
  

Phase 5:

• You travel in nothing but business class
• You are more concerned about your district's mayor than the Prime Minister of India
• You are just happy that your bride / groom is a desi
• You are probably the most cultured desis on the foreign lands
• 90% chances are that you are a doctor / own a restaurant / run a motel
• All your donations go towards spiritual institutions
• If it is not home or office, it is temple.

But whatever we do and wherever we are, one must remember that; "Once an Indian, Always an Indian!"

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The ever-enduring Anecdote

As he changes flights across different airports over the past couple of days, VK recalls the reminiscences of the his first journey overseas. August 3rd of 2006, in his life, will be a date that he'd never forget. VK, just like many others in his class, was not too sure of what he wanted to do after he graduated from college and decides to take the momentous choice of most of the Engineers manufactured in Hyderabad.

Just like several others, it was the first time VK was taking a flight to a different destination and just like a thousand others, he was the first in his family to visit the US of America. VK started getting stuff together as the date of his next big step in life neared, bids the final byes to the earnests and still does what he is best at; introspection! "Is this what I really want to do? How different would I be, after I go there? Am I ever coming back?" was the only track on VK's mind despite the fast nearing leap.

Considering the 64 limit on the luggage, VK tried to pack every useless thing that he thought was sensible which included Vim Supreme bar, Rin detergent and the gas stove lighter. Yet, the dude overloaded with some extra stuff and could sneak in through the luggage check in point with the help of influential contacts, which as you know, very well works in India! All the hugging and kissing ceremony was past the security gates and VK entered the terminal dragging the not-so-light cabin baggage, for the first time in his life.

He had to go through the security check point 3 times before VK was clear of everything, as he planned to stuff a few more things in his 8 pocketed cargo pants which could not fit into the over-weight bags. Not sure of what a boarding pass was and unmindful of the distinction between an itinerary and a receipt, VK saved every document that was given to him. While he gets the notification of the first flight getting delayed, VK had no clue of what his next step had to be. Concern-less, he laid there, lost in a world of aimless gaze.

Finally, the moment ticked, when he boarded the enormous, good for nothing and an antiquated flight run by Air India. A saree clad "aunty" rushes towards his seat and questions: "Whose bag is this?" In a spooky voice, VK replies "Mine". "Do you think this is an RTC bus", she asks - the bag was not fit in properly in the cabin; so he casually left it like that (This incident makes him laugh even today :) ). The next thing that VK remembers was looking at the window as he was about to experience his first leap into the sky and then he fell asleep. When he opened his eyes, VK was in London!

VK never knew when the food was served, nor he knew who was sitting beside him. Sloppily, he got up from his seat, walked towards the restroom and realizes that he opened a wrong door, turned the other side and realized that this one is equally small. Not too sure of how to operate the latch, not very keen on using the Western style commode; VK managed to finish the ritual and get back to his seat. Twiddling with the bulky bags, VK finally reached Norfolk airport. The much helpful ISA's volunteers figured out where he was, despite his lousy miscommunication and showed VK, a place to sleep.

The wonderful students already living there, complained about his unbearable odor and advised him to take a shower very politely. He used one of their phones and informed his family and friends that he reached safely and hit the bed. VK woke up after 14 hours and found everything as different as he could ever imagine. He couldn't eat anything at home as no one cooked during weekends and he was reluctant to buy food from outside as he was still in the phase of  Dollar to Rupee conversion. Three days later, he had the food that he was longing for and then the struggle for jobs on-campus start.

And then, life moved on .....

Ever since then, VK always tried his best to help every student that he could and fed every student that he hosted.

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An Unforgettable Short Journey

6 weeks, for me, is a short time to get acquainted  with someone to actually miss the fun after I leave them. You guys were so awesome, each of you in your own individual way, that you took place in my Blog's Wall of Fame ;). Being in a non-vibrant, activity-less, selfish community for the past 3.5 years, I was very much in need of a positive environment and I could find that solace in you guys. All my initial apprehensions of being in a corporate world and that too among desis was shrugged off when we stared hanging out together.

I wouldn't have asked for better set of people! In you, I found a person who talks just like my brother, a person who looks, talks and dances just like my dad, a person who always reminds me of my girl friend, a "Man of Substance", a loudspeaker who is the heart of the gang, a person who can be as cool as a moose, a person who masters the art of living and the first of my friend's babies that I took in my arms.

If the front row had awesome listeners, the 2nd row had amazing note-takers and the 3rd row had non-stop munchers. Inspite of  a few setbacks, all of us were so tight that none of the 5 new people stood a chance to join us, despite Karen's multiple efforts :D. If someone had to master the art of collaboration during exams or plan events in a short time with the least resources, then they have to learn from us. It was my pleasure to have known each one of you and I'm glad that I've met you guys at a much needed point in my life. Thanks for making this period so memorable.

As the wise always quote, All Good things come to an end and so did ours! Here's to the awesome 6 weeks well spent and all the good times we had together.

Cheers!

--
Choteshwar ;)

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With the Photographer

I don't know how many of you have heard of the short story "With the Photographer" by Stephen Leacock but I just stumbled upon the title while I have been sitting duck through the fritter of photographers floating around on the internet. One should understand the distinctive line between Photographer and lens-bearer. Just carrying a DSLR around doesn't make anyone an ace craftsman, I say that because I've been there and done that.

Thanks to the affordable prices of DSLRs, half of my friends on Facebook own them. Everyone of them has a showcase and samples would be added every now and then until you acknowledge their creativity. Even then, after you carefully choose one photo that really caught your eye and appreciate them for it; it only gets worse. They feel much proclaimed and start clicking everything that they see. In those artistic escapades to explore their creative side, they spook, alarm, rag and leave you with no choice but to watch these common ones:


Yes its me! The most common photograph that I come across. How natural is it for everyone to feel that they are the first ones to explore this angle of their creative side. I'd rather give my camera to someone else and get a good portrait of myself rather than hiding behind the lens.

If you wanted to show just the camera, why do you to bother to take your car out? Don't you have a bigger mirror in your bathroom?


Oh! Those beautiful flowers. Agreed, they are beautiful. There are atleast 3 trees in every street so I wouldn't care even if those beautiful flowers on those gorgeous trees have a  pleasant sky in the background.If you really like the world to look that beautiful, how about planting a tree?

There is a similar creed that exists that live on Macro photography. I know it takes a lot of patience and pain to get those but I really don't care because I can see it with my naked eye. I appreciate their effort but could anyone please acknowledge my artistically challenged brain?


Riser and Setter. I know Sunrise and Sunset are beautiful and I like them too but I feel they can be much appreciated when you see them naked, I meant with naked eyes? Probably, this is the most common photograph that everyone captures. Behind the trees, Amidst the clouds, Over the waters, Inside the valleys being the various 'jhalaks'.


The Hallow. Are you kidding me? A floor lamp, Lamp Post, Street light? Is that all theycan think of? Just like Dal Tadka, they add a Black & White or Sepia effect to it to make it look special but it is still the same lame lamp.

 If this picture resembles someone's mood, they should probably talk to someone to get over it; uploading pics like these would depress others including them.

Fall is here! This phenomenon is more prevalent among the ones living in the US as this is the first time they notice leaves off trees. I don't know what particularly irks their interest but they seem to be fascinated about this aspect.

 The depth, focus and other terms that they quote might sound amazing and wonderful but they should realize that I can find thousands of such images on Google.



Colorful India! Suddenly people find India and its streets very colorful. Never did they turn their heads to peep towards the slums or laborers. These people are busy earning their living and the lens-men are busy capturing their lives, that too in a colorful tone.

With the many photo editing softwares, they can now colorize an old man with his sutta or a rag picker busy with his activities. What is so fascinating about a stray dog or a parked bicycle at the doorstep for that matter? Sometimes they make me feel that I cannot appreciate anything.

The Weapon! Finally, they introduce all of us to the tool which they have been using to drive us crazy all these times. When I look at it, I wonder how beautiful life could have been if they didn't invent Digital cameras in the first place or if the DSLRs costed a fortune.

The craziness doesn't stop with photographs, does it? They have emerged into the era of short-film making now and I don't want to get started on how well they suck at that.

I've used DSLR for a little bit and realized that there are people who could do a much better job than me and some of them were my friends. But the rest of them, like me, still try to force creativity out of themselves even though it doesn't exist in them. People, Live and Let live!

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